M.A. Larson named head coach at Twilight Sparkle

M.A. Larson named head coach at Twilight Sparkle

By Stan von Styne
The Daily Twilight
January 22, 2016

It was a flagship day at the flagship school of the Pony Conference.

Shirts, buttons, posters and different memorabilia were distributed to students, fans, alumni and parents of Twilight Sparkle University. The words on the memorabilia: "I Believe In M.A. Larson." Larson was named the third head coach of the TSU Alicorns football team in an rally at the newly-renamed Tara Strong Convocation Center. The crowd chanted his name, along with "I Believe That We Will Win!"

"The No. 1 name that came up on our list in our search for head coaches...was M.A. Larson," said university president and founder, Her Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria. "Lady Lauren Faust, who is a donor to this and several of our sister campuses, told us about his pedigree and potential to be a great teacher of A-Mare-Ican hoofball.

"The determining factor that really set M.A. above the rest of the pack is his ability to reach out to the community and be a listener to the needs and suggestions to improve his team and the instrution he will represent this fall. Also, he is a staunch disciplinarian. At the Preparatory School of Hard Knocks located in Severna Park, Mareyland, Coach Larson installed a strict, stringent plan for his players. They wake up early and go home late, balancing hoofball and class, 50-50. And it led to a number of state titles.

"I hope that our new coach continues the tradition we have already established here and blazes a trail for new heroes to claim their stake here at Twilight Sparkle University. I believe in M.A. Larson, you believe in M.A. Larson, we all believe in M.A. Larson. Soon, the whole world will join us. Let us welcome our new coach who we all believe in...M.A. Larson."

Still, the new hiring saw its share of unbelievers, and their concers were understandable.

"He's going to be all hype, and nothing to show for it," said Jack Cross, a bartender at Roseluck Loveshack, a greasy spoons bar and grill in Ponyville. "I don't know why we didn't hire someone more high-profile, like Nick Saban, or that guy from Mankato who was wrongfully terminated...I don't get the logic. This is a terrible hire."

"Who is this guy?" asked Etta Candy, a patissiere at Maison Le Plot, a cafe and bakery outside Sweet Apple Acres. "I have no idea who M.A. Larson is. Did they recruit him out of Africa? He doesn't look too flash. I have huge reservations regarding this hire. Massive reservations."

"We are not going to win the PonyCon, let alone the NC, next year," said Jack Hart, a store manager at the Trader Joe's in Ponyville. "This was a god-awful hire. We decided to quit. No one really did a scouting report on this bum...I may be opting to buy season tickets for the Dashies (Rainbow Dash) this fall. At least Derpy [Hooves] is a household name. And the hot sauce in Cloudsdale is colorful and delicious."

Others, however...were more willing to give Coach Larson a chance.

"I was a good friend of M.A.'s father," said Phil Dirt, a retiree living in Ponyville and a frequent purchaser of apples and vegetables. "He's a fishing buddy of mine and is the inventor of the orange frog, a rich, invigoratingly titillating dessert comprising of orange marmalade, orange zest and marzipan arranged to look like a frog. I make orange frogs every month for my buddies out here, and M.A.'s a young man who's got a lot running for him.

"I think people need to give this guy a chance. They need to start believing because I don't think a lot is going to change with him as our coach. It's going to be business as usual."