Oh, dat Twilie...

Oh, dat Twilie...
By Sean Goodson
The Daily Twilight
Aug. 30, 2015

Shining Armor's Twilight Sparkle Alicorns made a mockery of the South Carolina Gamecocks, racing to a 107-38 victory at Armor-Cadance Field at Twilight Stadium. "Our guys did a pretty good job running the system," said Coach Armor after the game. "We passed well, ran well, and our defense put in a strong performance. This is just the first game, so our fans can expect to see more of the same next week."

Quarterback Marcus Bentley ran for 327 yards and two touchdowns while rushing for 102 yards and three more scores. Tailback Jono Kent led the way with 25 carries for 331 yards and three touchdowns. Wideout Vince Coker caught seven passes for 135 yards and three more scores. Coker and fellow wideouts Vic Prater and Dafydd Webster led the blockers with 20 pancakes.

Middle linebacker Arsenio "Arson" Jones made hay out of the Gamecock defense with 27 tackles and a pick. Strong safety P.J. Webb added 10 tackles and two interceptions while defensive tackle Jeffrey Postlethwaite added six tackles and three sacks.

"I think my brother is immersing himself in the nuances of coaching a team," said the university president, Princess Twilight Sparkle, dressed in casual apparel. "He embraces showing the type of leadership he exhibits as the captain of the Royal Guard and as an overseer of the Crystal Empire. He is able to teleport between coaching and doing his administrative work up north because he is a unicorn and I taught him how to use a spell that can allow him and my sister Cadance to commute. So there is no need to fly or use vehicles. They can teleport.

"And the spell I use doesn't use as much magic either, since it's gonna have to be used every day. They work here and there, so it's a no-brainer. But anyway, my brother's doing real fine and my sister's doing the work as the Athletic Director. Our sports teams won a number of conference titles and our enrollment is up to 50,000, so we're a pretty big university. We're also constructing new buildings and facilities so we can attract even more students. Aside from that, that was a very good performance by our football team today."

Next week, the Alicorns host the USC Trojans.