In Trojan Man...We Trust?

In Trojan Man...We Trust?

By Shizuku Minami
The Daily Party
January 18, 2020

Yesterday, Pinkamena Diane Pie University announced that they have hired a new offensive coordinator to replace Dan Mullen, who led the Pinkie Pie Major Trouble to all sorts of major trouble and a 0-12 record. Trojan Man, a USC alum and advocate of the West Coast Offense, has been hired to turn things around and give the struggling team something to be proud of.

"I can understand why this place can't win on the field," said Coach Man at the press conference. "Everybody at this press conference is drunk!" Indeed, nearly all of the press members had sipped some strong alcoholic cider before stumbling into Libman Hall, the University gym, where the presser was taking place.

"This place needs to sober up and focus on winning, not using the game as a way to get drunk after it. I plan to implement a West Coast style offense, a Pro Set, with a lot of no-huddle. Everybody needs to get to work, everybody needs to finish, everybody needs to be accountable and make plays on both side of the ball.

"As the offensive coordinator, my job is to make sure the offense know what plays to run and make a success of it. Hopefully I am able to turn the tide as part of this new staff coming in. We've had a lot of turnover here at Pinkie Pie the past few years, and we could have more if we don't do our job.

"This is a school that believes in having fun, and I hope to bring the fun back to the Party School of the PonyCon. Let's make it a GR8 year at Pinkie Pie. The Major Trouble's Coming."